Remember

It is 1am and I am awake. Jack has been crying for an hour now. He has not woken up in the middle of the night for months but he has done this for the last 3 nights in a row. I think he knows something big is about to happen. He just stands at his door screaming “momma, momma.” It is heartbreaking but I cannot give into it. I wish I could explain to him that everything is going to be okay. But on this eve of him becoming a big brother, I do not know how to do that for a two year old.
I feel like I should be able to, as I am 29 months older than my sister. I do not remember what it was like to become a big sister though. I am told I would push her and her bouncy seat off the counter. I apparently threw apples at her head. I do not remember this but I can only imagine what life was like going from the “one and only” to having to share Mom and Dad. I think Jack senses this. I wish I could tell him what it will be like to be a big brother and all the things I do remember.
I remember being six and four and Shannon and I got to take Cokes to the umpires during the seventh inning stretch in Greensboro. We thought we were so cool.
I remember living in 5 different cities in 6 years and having only my sister as my real friend.
I remember being eight and six and my mom having a baby. We knew for sure it would be girl and then they brought Ryan home. We wouldn’t have it and dressed him for months in our doll clothes and put bows in his hair.
I remember being 13- the magic age when you could get your ears pierced in my family- and going to the mall to have it done. I chickened out so my mom let Shannon do it to show me it wasn’t so bad. I remember thinking “well, if she can do it, so can I.” And we both walked away with shiny silver studs in our ears.
I remember being so excited to go to college and then missing my sister when I got there.
I remember when she went to college and I would visit. I feared for her safety as she was much wilder than I would ever be. I was also a little jealous because she was much wilder than I could ever be.
I remember when she called to tell me she was sure her Finance TA liked her but he wouldn’t ask her out. I remember telling her “maybe he is a good guy and just following the rules.”
I remember when she called on the night of her Finance exam to tell me I was right.
I remember her visits to Atlanta and mine to Nashville.
I remember when she called to tell me she was going to marry that Finance TA.
I remember feeling a twinge of jealousy but also a lot of relief that she would do this marriage thing “first” as I had always been the “first.”
I remember watching she and my future husband shake their booties at her wedding and know he would fit in just fine with our family.
I remember running our first half-marathons together
I remember when she called to tell me she was pregnant and I called her four weeks later to tell her so was I!
I remember that experiencing those nine months together was wonderful and magical!
I remember being in the room when they wheeled her and her precious little girl in after a scary labor and c-section. I remember thinking if my little sister can do this, so can I. And four weeks later I did.
I remember the last two years of phone calls three, four, five times a day to discuss feedings, sleeping, toys, preschool and all the stuff in between.
My little sister turned 30 yesterday and although I do not remember the week before she was born or the few years following, I have so many memories of the last 30 years. I wish I could explain to Jack the joy of being a big brother and what he is about to gain. I know these next few weeks, months, maybe even years will be tough but I know he is about to get one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child- a sibling. And hopefully 30 years from now he will treasure his sibling as much I do mine and not ever remember the nights he kept me up because he knew life was about to change forever.